Born and Raised
by pkfan2004
Summary: Kind of like Knocked Up, but in the happy and loving environment of The Rogue Isles. When Omega Contingency ends up getting pregnant, it's up to her to find a way to keep the baby and stay a villain. Reviews welcomed with open arms!
1. Immaculate Conception

Born and Raised

by Pkfan2004

Most toons I reference are mine, or belong to someone I know. I'll make sure to give credit when it's due.

Nancy Michaels, aka Omega Contingency, woke up restlessly. She got up from her nice comfy bed, waltzed into the bathroom and smiled. Then she quickly and painfully vomited into the sink.

"Ugh, ew! What the hell was that"

She dropped to her knees in front of the toilet, and spent the next ten minutes praying at the porcelain throne. A little bit woozy, she shed her bedclothes and warmed up her shower. As she cleaned the bile from her lips and the dirt from her body, she thought about why she'd be puking.

"Okay, let's see. Haven't dealt with zombies in a while, haven't been messing around with lab equipment, haven't gotten drunk in a while. Huh, I can't think of a damn thing"

Nancy finished while thinking, dried off while thinking and got dressed while thinking. Pulling on her tights, she felt her shirt to be a little tighter. Shrugging, she stepped out of her small apartment in Cap Au Diable and walked to the street.

Cap Au Diable was always quiet in the early morning. The gremlins hooted and howled on the pylons, the Goldbrickers stood around looking for goodplaces to hit, and the Luddites attended the morning sermons. She stopped in at a store, grabbed a quick breakfast and emptied the register. Nancy greeted a few passing Luddites, and walked to the doctor's office. This was already planned, she knew she'd be going to see Doctor Wallace for a while. Nancy sat in the lobby for a while, and was quickly ushered to Wallace's office.

"Why hello Nancy! So nice to see you. Has that arm fully healed yet?" Doctor Adam Wallace used to be a valuable asset to Vahzilok as an expert in Eidolons. After being captured, the good doctor went as straight as he could. His firm quickly became the most popular office in Cap, but that didn't mean he cut all ties with Vahzilok.

"Perfectly. Just glad it didn't take too long, if I'm out of action for a while the bills pile up. So, why do you need me"

"Oh, just your 'personal appointment'. So drop the tights and lie on the table."

I'm going to spare some readers, and just skip this part.

"Well, everything checks out. But there's a small problem. You're pregnant."

She laughed. "I'm not pregnant, I haven't been with a guy in a while."

"How long?"

"Almost two months."

"When was the last time you were on the clock."

"Uh, not recently."

"Well, that clinches it. You're pregnant."

She froze in shock. "Bu-bu-but the last time I screwed a guy was two months ago!" she stammered.

"Well, who did you do the deed with?"

"...a Luddite."

"Ah." he smirked. "Luddites do it old school. Chances are very good that anyone who hooks up with a Luddite will walk away with an extra gift. I doubt they believe in advanced protection"

Nancy buried her head in her hands. "Oh, son of a bitch. How do you even know I'm pregnant? I'm not swelling, I threw up this morning but I think it was something I ate, and I'm pretty sure you can't tell from popping the hood."

Dr. Wallace sighed. "You gave a urine sample today?"

"Yeah, you always make me."

"We test the samples each time. And we run pregnancy tests on all female patients. So I knew this without having to check the oven."

"Damnit!" Her anger peaking, Nancy's powers activated. Self sustaining flames seared the table and a natural aura of dark energy crackled in the air. "Damnit damnit damnit!" She silently seethed as her powers cooled.

Dr. Wallace smiled nervously. "Yes, well, there are things you can do if you don't want a baby."

"No way in hell. I may be a villain, but I'm not about to smack around an innocent baby."

"Adoption?"

"Nothing doing. If I'm gonna royally screw up, I might was well see the whole clusterfreak through. That thought broke my arm, and it's gonna break something else in me if I let this baby go."

"Huh, I never thought villains could be so passionate about birth. Anyway, if you're gonna see this little monster through you're gonna need a plan. This isn't the best place to raise a baby."

"Alright, as much as it's gonna hurt me I need to know"

After a long discussion, Nancy made a list.

1. Apply for maternity pay from Arachnos.  
2. Ask if Arachnos Health Insurance covers birth costs.  
3. Find a steady source of income if 1 and 2 fall through.  
4. Get crap for the baby.

With her tasks full in mind, she picked up her cell phone and dialed.


	2. Bad Timing

Born and Raised

By pkfan2004

Chapter Two: Bad Timing

Once again, credit where it's due.

"Hello?"

"Hey Tyche, it's Nancy." Nancy nervously played with her long hair as she talked. "Look, you're heading into Steel Canyon today, right?"

She could feel her friend smile through the phone. "Yeah. Need anything?"

"Umm, there's a department store there. I just want you to look around, and….maybe pick up some stuff. Like a crib. And clothes. And toys."

"Okay, you're not being fully clear. Is someone pregnant?"

"……"

"Oh my god. OMIGAWD! You were the last person I thought would want to have a kid! That's so cute! I'm coming over right now!"

Nancy winced. "No, it's fine."

"Screw you, I'm coming over. I'm gonna tell the guys, they're gonna want to come too."

"Come on, you don't have to tell your thugs. It'll be weird."

"No way. Patrocles' sister just had a kid, he'll know what to do."

"Fine. Bring them, but no one else. People are going to be weird about this once they find out."

"Okay, I'm already on the ferry. See you in a bit!"

With a quick snap, Nancy shut the phone. Rushing through her apartment, she quickly arranged everything nicely. Carnival masks were hung with care, safeties were switched on for all the rifles and Nancy threw the dead body onto the fire escape. As soon as she shut the window the doorbell rang. A large fist knocking it off its hinges quickly and promptly opened the door.

"Damn it Ajax! Can we not break everything we come into contact with?" With that, Tyche wrapped her arms in a immobilizing hug around Nancy.

The young Mastermind hugged tighter. "I can't believe you're pregnant! The baby is going to be positively demonic, but still!" Her thugs quietly entered the apartment as Nancy struggled with her friend's assault. "So what are you going to do?"

Nancy dropped onto the couch. "The only right thing I can do is give birth and keep it. Patrocles, what did your sister do?"

The thug shrugged. "Her husband's a Crab Spider, so he gets that premium health care. I guess he stretched it a little, and she had the kid in Port Oakes. They're lucky, they normally don't let people coast on the system."

"Well, that's part of my plan. I have to go to Grandville, apply for stuff and have the thing."

Tyche winced. "How…eloquent. Look, you have to really focus. You're having a baby. Not a toaster, not a puppy, not a thing. It'll be a super-powered human eventually."

"Well, look. I'm science-powered, right? Chances are a failed super-soldier has her powers embedded in her blood. But we don't know about its father. Sure, he's a lazy, good-for-nothing, womanizing Luddite. But we have to check out his DNA if this thing is gonna turn out sane. Tyche, you have a sister who works for Arachnos, right?"

The Mastermind nodded. "Yeah, she's stuck on desk duty. But she should be able to help you find any loopholes."

"Good. I'll meet up with her tomorrow. In the meantime, you find my deadbeat baby daddy. Bring him in alive, we need the blood samples. He goes by the name Brother Paul."

Tyche saluted. "Yes ma'am! Ajax, fix the damn door! Patrocles, Pyrrus, Achilles, Agamemnon, Menelaus, let's roll!"The ensuing stampede of feet knocked the masks off of the walls, and Ajax gingerly replaced the door.

"Uh, sorry for the breakage." he meekly admitted.

Nancy just lay back on her couch and shut her eyes. She'd deal with the consequences of her escapades later.

Will Nancy work the system? Will Tyche and her crew find the deadbeat dad? Will Ajax work a door without breaking it? Find out soon!


	3. The WoMan

Born and Raised

By pkfan2004

Chapter Three: The (Wo)Man

Credit is as credit does.

Alexandra drummed her claws on her desk, recently coated with Impervium to stop the denting of her drumming. It was a nervous habit. Desk work wasn't her forte, it was murder and arson and stealing and extortion. "Why did I accidentally shoot the mayor?" Alex quietly wondered. She focused as she realized the villain sitting in the chair in front of her was still talking. She blinked a couple of times, shaking off her daydreams. Nancy quietly looked around the office. Walls painted soothing red, vibrant motivational posters on the wall, a nice computer on the moderately sized desk. She waited for Alex's response.

"So long story short my sister told you I could hook you up."

Nancy nodded, every muscle in her slim frame tensed. A noticeable bulge was starting to form, and Alex absentmindedly recognized her story seemed to check out. She flicked her fingers as she spoke.

"First of all, stuff doesn't just work like that. I can't snap my claws and you'll instantly have what you need. Tyche just takes stuff by force, while I'm stuck here trying to fill out the paperwork and cover my ass if someone I approve goes bananas. You got that?"

"Look, I really need this. It's a goddamn baby that I DON'T need turning out like Mako." Nancy paused and turned a deep red as a Coralax wandered by outside of the office door, shaking its head in disapproval. She glanced around the room, making sure the coast was clear. "You really gotta help me. I barely have money, my apartment isn't mine and I can't find the father."

Alexandra rubbed her temples. "I understand, but we have a couple of snags. One: you're not technically registered under Arachnos. Two: you're a failed experiment from Crey. Arachnos may be powerful, but we don't need a lawsuit over you're insurance fraud because God knows Crey has psychic lawyers that WILL knock you up even more than you are now. Even if I wanted to, they'd come knocking on our door. Three: you're not married or related to any of our Widows, Crabs, Banes, Arbiters yadda yadda yadda. I would help you if I could, but I can't so I really won't."

Alexandra gauged Nancy's reaction, noting that the temperature in the room seemed to dramatically increase. She shook her head. "If you cause the temperature of the room to exceed 105 degrees, the sprinklers will go off and security will throw you out." She returned to rubbing her temples as Nancy shook with demonic rage, trying to contain her furious anger. Not wanting to cause a problem, Alex reached over and turned the radio on her desk as high as it could go.

Nancy recoiled as Alex leaned close, Foghat's "Slow Ride" playing noisily in the background. She whispered to her quietly. "Do not respond. Have you considered exploitation of the Longbow amnesty program?" Nancy slightly shook her head and Alex continued. "Get arrested for anything at all. Longbow will detain you and supervise your birth. Depending on your crime, you'll serve a small sentence and you can always steal the baby back from Longbow custody. Understand?" Again, she let loose another small nod. Alex flicked off the radio. "And that is why I cannot help you. Sorry to waste your time; now get the hell out of my office."

Nancy concealed a smile and stomped out of the office in mock fury. She slipped a small list out of her pocket as the elevator door closed and checked off an objective. "Now for maternity pay."


	4. Best Laid Plans

Born and Raised

by pkfan2004

Chapter Four: Best Laid Plans. Current gestation period: 3.5 months pregnant.

"BITE THE CURB!" Menelaus screamed directly at the back of the fallen Luddite's head. The other Thugs looked at him quizzically. "What? I'm white, I'm bald...haven't you guys seen American History X?" Ajax raised his hand tentatively. "Yeah, that's what I'm talking about man! Edward Norton man, him and Matt Damon could do anything!"

Tyche just shook her head. "Achilles, lift this moron's head." Complying, he carefully hoisted the Luddite by the shoulders and winced as Tyche clocked the man with a right cross. "WHERE IS HE!?"

The Luddite spat blood and one of his molars. "WHO?!"

Tyche paused. "Damn...who are we looking for?"

"Uh, Brother Paul." offered Patrocles.

"Right." Tyche delivered another punch, blood spattering across the chain wrapped around her knuckles. "WHERE IS HE?!"

"WHO THE HELL IS PAUL?" he sputtered in a worried voice, spitting blood again.

"YOU TELL US!"

"I DON"T KNOW! THERE'S HUNDREDS OF US!"

Tyche motioned to Achilles who let the man hit the pavement. "You know, he's got a good point. This really isn't the best plan, which one is this guy again?"

"Number...17." the thug replied.

"We've been through seventeen Luddites so far. None of them knew a Paul. Why the hell didn't we do a web search of put up a flyer or something like that? That'd be much faster." mused Agamemnon.

Tyche nodded. "Yeah, seriously. What the hell were we thinking?" She prodded the fallen Luddite with her boot. "Crap man, sorry. Achilles, Patrocles, drag him to the hospital. Dude didn't deserve this, least we could do. Oh, and take his tooth with you."

Achilles grumbled as he slung the man over his shoulder. "Crap Pat, why do we always get stuck with stuff like this?"

Patrocles grimaced and dropped the tooth in his pocket. "Hey, you were the one who wanted to get sacrificed to that hot chick so you could be her undead love slave. Quit whining, it's better than death."

"Hey, for an undead vampire and mistress of the damned she had a nice rack. It would've been worth it!"

Tyche slapped her forehead as the two henchmen wandered out of earshot. "I swear to God, sometimes I wish I stole those robots and used them instead. Thank God you four are handy."

Menelaus smiled. "Hey, it's a pleasure working for you. We have some good times an-" Menelaus trailed off as a crossbow bolt sunk into his shoulder. Tyche stared incredulously at the lone Luddite holding a crossbow, shaking like a leaf.

"Pyrrus, tend to Menelaus! Ajax, Agamemnon, after this dead man!"

Regaining his nerves, the shooter turned tail and fled. Tyche, Ajax and Agamemnon followed in hot pursuit, firing blindly after him and destroying many store windows. Aim hindered by their running, Tyche and Agamemnon tucked away their weapons and picked up the pace. With bounding strides, Ajax launched himself into the sidewalk and tore up a large chunk of concrete. His brain working, he aimed the hunk and threw it with all of his might. The Luddite's jaw dropped open as he saw the pavement fly right at him, carefully bracing his legs for a jump.

"Ha! Jackass is cornered now! Go in for the kill boys!" whooped an exhilarated Tyche, but the grin faded from her face. The Luddite propelled himself upward, landing on the hunk of ground and quickly jumping off again onto a nearby rooftop. Her mouth opened in surprise as he landed and took off once again. "FOLLOW HIM!"

MEANWHILE

"All I'm saying is that I wouldn't get sacrificed to get laid! It seems unnecessary! Do the undead even have sexual urges?!" groaned an exasperated Patrocles.

"Dude, you wouldn't die for a woman?"

"NOT IF I DIDN'T KNOW HER!"

Achilles shrugged. "Eh, I'd do anything for the ladies."

"ARE YOU MENTAL? Why the hell hasn't Tyche taken away your guns yet?!"

"Because she knows I'd pop her if she tried!"

Patrocles slapped his own forehead. "I swear to God, sometimes you are so stupid it's so fuc-"

MEANWHILE

Tyche prepared herself for another leap. She grumbled quietly as she chased the rogue Luddite. "Why did they always have to run across the rooftops? It's so much harder on both of us!" she wondered. She broke into a full sprint as they headed towards the hospital, the Luddite still maintaining a good lead. Agamemnon fired wild shots at him, the spray of his Uzi chipping at the ledge of the hospital. Stumbling, the Luddite tripped on the chipped ledge and fell to the ground.

"WHY THE HELL WON'T YOU LISTEN! SACRIFICE IS PERMANENT! YOU DON'T JUST "GET BETTER" AFTER TIME!" screamed Patrocles at his idiot compatriot.

"Yeah, well if I'm wrong may someone shut me up!" Achilles replied as he fumbled with holding the sleeping Luddite and opening the hospital doors.

Patrocles leaned forward, hands ready to strangle Achilles to ensure his silence. With a knee-jerk reaction Patrocles pulled back as a falling Luddite collapsed onto Achilles, amazed that a benevolent being prevented him from murdering his friend. "HOLY SHI-"

Tyche leaned over the ledge, cutting Patrocles off. "You catch him?" Achilles grabbed the man's ankle, mumbling in agreement. "Good! I'll get the chair ready for Paul here!"

The Luddite grunted, shaking his head. "My name's not Paul. But I do know where you could find him."

Tyche quietly climbed down from the rooftop. "How nice for you to comply." Tyche picked the man up and brushed off his tunic and smiled before clocking the rogue runner.

He shook his head. "Okay, I deserved that." He carefully slipped free from his grip and rolled his shoulders. "Brother Jackson, at your service."


End file.
